Beta is in...

Well we didn't get the Christmas miracle we had all so hoped and prayed for. A second transfer has come and gone leaving behind some very sad heavy hearts. The emotional heartache my IFs and so many IPs have and will go through as they take the often bumpy ride along the surrogacy train is tough. This is just not the kind of news I wanted them to have to hear and cope with days before Christmas. Clearly bringing a new life into this world is no small feet for some. With one successful transfer ending in a miscarriage and now the second with a negative beta I'm really starting to realize more on an emotional level just how lucky my husband and I are to have been able to conceive all three of our children almost the month we got that baby bug. Almost like a magic trick, abra cadabra and poof I was pregnant every time.

With such a fertile background I really didn't ever actually contemplate the whole idea that I would ever not get pregnant right away. Clearly using someone else's genetics and the whole IVF process changes things a bit but I guess I was somehow in a fog or dreamy state to think that if a healthy embryo was transferred into my uterus that the results would most likely be the same.

Sigh...come March my IFs and I will have known each other for a year. It's been a great road toward getting to better know them and spending time together. I wouldn't change that for anything. And as such I told them that I am here for them for the long haul or as long as they need me. These men are so incredible and so deserve to have all the many joys and hair pulling experiences that only parenthood can bring. It will happen sooner or later I know, just hoping it will be on the sooner side. Keeping my head up and ever so hopeful that we will all have some happier news in the new year!