Beta is in...

Well we didn't get the Christmas miracle we had all so hoped and prayed for. A second transfer has come and gone leaving behind some very sad heavy hearts. The emotional heartache my IFs and so many IPs have and will go through as they take the often bumpy ride along the surrogacy train is tough. This is just not the kind of news I wanted them to have to hear and cope with days before Christmas. Clearly bringing a new life into this world is no small feet for some. With one successful transfer ending in a miscarriage and now the second with a negative beta I'm really starting to realize more on an emotional level just how lucky my husband and I are to have been able to conceive all three of our children almost the month we got that baby bug. Almost like a magic trick, abra cadabra and poof I was pregnant every time.

With such a fertile background I really didn't ever actually contemplate the whole idea that I would ever not get pregnant right away. Clearly using someone else's genetics and the whole IVF process changes things a bit but I guess I was somehow in a fog or dreamy state to think that if a healthy embryo was transferred into my uterus that the results would most likely be the same.

Sigh...come March my IFs and I will have known each other for a year. It's been a great road toward getting to better know them and spending time together. I wouldn't change that for anything. And as such I told them that I am here for them for the long haul or as long as they need me. These men are so incredible and so deserve to have all the many joys and hair pulling experiences that only parenthood can bring. It will happen sooner or later I know, just hoping it will be on the sooner side. Keeping my head up and ever so hopeful that we will all have some happier news in the new year!

The Two Week Wait is On!

So I am 4dp5dt today and my first beta is scheduled for December the 20th. It's been a rather long road getting to this second transfer or so it feels since the first one was way back in August. This transfer like the first was perfect, except this time around both of my IFs were able to attend. The entire appointment was short and sweet thanks to everything being on time as usual and the miracles of science happening in the blink of an eye.

Yet despite a perfect transfer on Monday the 10th, I had a bit of a scare when I returned home. Since I had run out of Synthroid, my thyroid medication, I promptly called my endocrinologist who is monitoring my levels for this transfer and throughout our future pregnancy. Within seconds after requesting a refill for my 50mcg prescription it became very clear that I had made a terrible mistake and I began feeling sick to my stomach. Some how when the nurse had called me three weeks ago to inform me that my doctor wanted to increase my Synthroid dosage by taking half of 125mcg pill each day, I thought that meant in addition to the 50mcg dosage I was already taking. So for three weeks I and the nurse realized that I had been taking way too much, what an incredible buzz kill after such a wonderful morning dedicated to getting me knocked up. Both Monday and Tuesday were filled with anxiety and dread waiting for my appointment Wednesday to get my thyroid levels retested to see just how high they were. My endocrinologist doc. called me yesterday and said my levels were high but she was not "concerned." I immediately contacted our clinic and my nurse coordinator that I always communicate with was so incredible. She assured me that it was ok, mistakes happen and that they would rather have my TSH be low from high dosages of synthroid, hyperthyroid, then to have a high TSH as in hypothyroid.

So here I am today still unsure if I will be poas or not. The anxiety over the past four days has just worn me out and I'm feeling so beyond cautiously optimistic that I just fear bad news more then ever. Much like the first transfer I am not having any cramping, implantation bleeding or anything at all that would indicate something was happening in there. So for now I'm just focusing on eating and sleeping well and just trying to remind myself to not worry what's done is done.

Tomorrow I will be 5dp5dt which was when I got my first BFP last time. If I suddenly get that crazy ass urge to pee I will post those results for sure!! So for now please send those strong sticky vibes this way. Who knows maybe just maybe my IFs will get the BIGGEST x-mas gift ever! Oh boy do they deserve it...fingers and toesies criss crossed!